Come Kick the Football, Charlie Brown
by Joseph Laban
Summary: Charlie Brown finally gets his wish. He doesn't like it.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own 'Peanuts'. All rights belong to Charles M. Schulz and the Schulz estate.**_

* * *

One fine autumn's day, Lucy Van Pelt stood in her front yard, reading a certain book aloud. "According to this psychology textbook," she observed, "the anticipation of a reward is usually more enjoyable than its realization."

Pausing for a moment, she allowed the statement to sink in as the faintest beginnings of a deliciously wicked thought stirred in her young, devious mind.

Quick as lightning, she ran into the house to grab the instrument with which she had tormented Charlie Brown for years.

Holding the football in her hands, an evil grin spread across her face as she announced to herself, "It's time to end a certain someone's years of enjoying himself!"

* * *

Later that afternoon, Charlie Brown met Lucy in a green field, under the shade of a large tree. As he had so many times before, Charlie Brown ran with all his might to kick the football.

He fully expected his right foot to meet nothing but empty air. Instead, Charlie Brown gasped as it connected with a solid pigskin for the first time. "GOOD GRIEF!" he exclaimed as he watched the football fly high into the air and sail out of sight.

As the realisation of what he had just done set in, his face broke into a huge grin and he began to dance for joy. "I did it!" he whooped, dancing all around the still-kneeling Lucy. "I finally did it! After years and years of crushing disappointment, I've finally achieved my life's goal!" His happiness was immense.

A few minutes later, as the euphoria began to die down, Charlie Brown stopped to catch his breath. At that moment, a single terrible thought entered his mind: " _Now what?_ "

* * *

Charlie Brown walked down the street alone, lost in a world of his own.

 _I can't believe it!_ he thought to himself. _I finally kicked the football today!_

 _After years of hopelessly trying and failing miserably, I've finally gotten what I've always wanted._

 _I know I should be over the moon, but..._

 _Now it seems the DREAM of kicking the football has been pulled away!_

* * *

The next day, Charlie Brown was at Lucy's Psychiatric Booth.

"I've been thinking about what you did yesterday," he told her.

"You know your trick with the football has always driven me crazy...

"But after years and years of pulling it away, you finally let me kick it! Why?"

Lucy's answer was swift and dismissive. "To drive you even crazier! Five cents, please!"

* * *

Charlie Brown, well into his second session at Lucy's Psychiatric Booth for the day, continued his monologue.

"After so many years I thought that kicking the football would be a bigger deal," he said.

"I thought that when I finally did it, the heavens would open, the earth would shake, rainbows would fill the sky and I would feel as if I had achieved ultimate enlightenment.

"I expected it to be..." "...Mind-blowing?" suggested Lucy helpfully. "No," he corrected her. "That doesn't quite cut it...

"At our age, I don't think we have words in our vocabulary to describe such feelings."

* * *

Charlie Brown was still in his second session at Lucy's Psychiatric Booth that day.

"Look, Lucy, can we put everything back to the way it was before?" he pleaded.

"Next time we play football, I don't want to know if you're going to pull it away or not."

"Even if you'll promise you'll come back here every week?" Lucy asked him innocently. "Yes, yes! I promise!" he shouted in desperation. "Deal!" she declared.

Charlie Brown paid his second five cent fee to Lucy and left the Booth. Once he was out of earshot, Lucy remarked, "It's an expert psychiatrist who can get her customers to PAY to keep coming back to her!"

* * *

Some time later, Charlie Brown and Linus were having a conversation, walking down the street. Linus had heard all about what had happened between his sister and Charlie Brown.

"So you actually BEGGED my big sister to return to her football-pulling ways?" Linus asked his best friend incredulously.

"Yes," said Charlie Brown. "I couldn't stand the disillusionment anymore."

"But how do you put the genie back into the bottle once it's been released?" a puzzled Linus wondered aloud.

"That's simple," replied Charlie Brown. "Now I question if I'll ever get to kick that football AGAIN!"

FIN.

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